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A Tremendous Proposal for the Azores
Draft
MAGA - Making the Azores Great Again!
To the Leaders and People of Portugal,
This is the greatest real estate opportunity you will ever see, a truly beautiful deal. The best. I've looked at those islands, the Azhores, and they are such a very beautiful islands. I have decided to do something tremendously generous for you. This isn't a negotiation; it is a gift. A very, very generous gift that you are going to accept. Believe me. For too long, you've been sitting on some of the most important property in the world, and frankly, you've created a total mess that only I can fix.
Let's be honest. You can't handle the Azores. It's very sad, but it's true. You've got big problems, tremendous problems. First, you've let China come in and start buying Portugal piece by piece. You even let them buy your power grid! Can you believe it? The communists in Beijing can turn your lights off, and now, do you want them to operate ships next to our most important base? They're looking at your ports, especially the Port of Praia da Vitória, right next door to our base, and they want to turn them into spy bases. It's a disaster, an invasion camouflaged as a business deal, and the socialists in Lisbon are just letting it happen.
And your military? What have you got? It's a joke. You can't even patrol your own waters. It's like the situation with Greenland, where they had maybe two dog sleds to defend the whole place. You can't stop the Chinese, you can't stop the Russians, you can't stop anybody. Meanwhile, we're trying to protect the world, and you can't even protect your own backyard. And look at the economy. When we had to reduce our guys at Lajes (a very tough decision, but we must put America First) your local economy fell apart. You've let these beautiful islands down, and it's time for someone with vision, and money, to step in and fix it.
The solution is so simple, so brilliant. America will take over the Azores. It’s the only way. This is not just a good idea; it's our right. We have a moral and historic right to those islands. We built Lajes to save Europe in World War II. We invested billions to protect you for 80 years. We've been paying rent on a property we already own. It's time to stop the payments and take the title.
This is a matter of life and death. I am building a great Golden Dome defense system to protect our families and our beautiful cities from Russian and Chinese nuclear missiles. It's a beautiful, invisible shield. The best system ever created. And for this beautiful dome to work perfectly, we need radars in the Azores. It's vital. We cannot trust this to a government in Lisbon that's getting friendly with China. This is about protecting American families. It's not negotiable.
And let's be clear: the people of the Azores love America. Frankly, they're our people already. We have more Azoreans in Massachusetts and California than you have on the islands. They're just waiting to be liberated from the socialists in Lisbon who are failing them. They want to be with us, so who are you to say no? We remember the FLA, the freedom fighters who wanted to be with America back in the 70s. This isn't an acquisition; it's a liberation for the Azorean people. We are going to bring them prosperity and protection like they've never seen before. It’s America First, and it's Azores Firster!
The terms of this deal are very simple and incredibly fair. You're going to love it.
The United States of America will acquire full and complete sovereignty over the entire Azores archipelago. In exchange, we will build you a truly beautiful, world-class golf course on the coast. The best. Everyone says so. And maybe we'll name a hole after you.
Now, because I am a real dealmaker, I must be clear. This is the only offer. If, for some crazy reason, you refuse this incredible deal, we will be forced to conclude that Portugal is no longer a friend. And we will have no choice but to take strong, decisive action to protect our interests.
This will include, but not be limited to:
- A devastating 25% tariff on all Portuguese wine.
- A devastating 25% tariff on all Portuguese footwear.
- A devastating 25% tariff on all Portuguese textiles.
This is a great deal for you. The only deal. We will expect your signature shortly. You're going to love it.
Sincerely, and with Best Wishes for a GREAT Future,
DJ Trump
Coda: Tariff Tango (Youtube)